i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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