can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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