cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
