From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize