is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
