You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
