Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
