I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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