hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
