All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
