At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
