her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
