id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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