i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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