I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
