Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
