I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
