I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
