this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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