Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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