I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
