dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
