It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I supernannyed him into submission
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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