You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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