Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
