Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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