I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
