There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
