I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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