bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
