one might say we're banned from that church
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
