Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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