Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
