In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
