Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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