you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
