this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
