its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
