I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
