$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
