how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
