respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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