i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
