What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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