happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
