Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
