you would pick up someone in the library
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me