Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.