Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president