please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.