when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered