I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sex on roller skates
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.