I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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