Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
