He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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