his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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