you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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