Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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