Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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