i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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