hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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