Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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