I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
soo... how was my night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
