woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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