drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
