just come out here and I will go home with you...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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